How can I possibly do everything I need to for all 4 kids all the time? Gluten, dairy and additive free for all 4. Gross motor skills and muscle strengthening activities for Seb, fine motor activities for Taylen. Literacy practice for Chloe and on the hunt for a good Maths skills program. I'm trying to teach Noah not to be so dependent on me as he's so anxious. Not to mention the typical school homework, scout badges and general maintenance of 4 children. Throw in the many appointments and it feels like a never ending merry go round. There aren't enough hours in the day and I can't spread myself this thin amongst the kids. I need to split myself in 2.
The worst of it is the guilt. Judgement comes in at a close second. The raised eyebrow when I say "no I still haven't started taking Seb to physio", the look when I explain that I don't have time to help Chloe with her assignment or when Tay's reading log only has 2 entries for the week. I just can't seem to pull everything together at once. If they could just stop for a minute. If Noah could not wrap himself around my legs and Seb could not fight me on every decision I make and the meltdowns could stop and if they could just for a little while manage their own homework and take themselves to their appointments. If I could just get a break for a minute, I'm sure I could get back on top of it. These people don't need to raise their eyebrows at me because I already know what I haven't done and what the impacts are. Don't they know I'm doing the best I can?! Everybody wants to judge but nobody wants to help. It can't just be me. Surely there are more mothers than me shaking there heads wondering how their life turned out like this.
No comments:
Post a Comment