Frustration

What if the children that I am trying sooo hard to help turn out like their aspie father anyway? What if the 'early intervention' counts for nothing in terms of general disposition, meltdowns and selfishness. Is it possible to teach children to not think of their own needs first? I haven't noticed that amongst the intervention strategies. What if we are so busy trying to get our kids to make eye contact and pay attention at school when really, if at all possible, we should be teaching them that your first thought in every situation shouldn't be 'what do I get out if this?'or 'can I be bothered with this issue'. Take aspie husband- despite constant forgetfulness, untidiness, aggression, constant critisism of myself and children, foul language and even the occasional man handling he has decided that I am not allowed to tell him I'm cross or show in anyway that I'm bothered by any of his behaviour. He has been saying 'You just go on and on' or 'Anna, I've tuned you out'. It doesn't matter how blatantly guilty he is, he doesn't want to know about it. Why? Because I have gotten angry or bothered too many times in the past and I've used up my quota. I kind of feel like he has more than used up his own quota of critisising and correcting. I also think that he fails to see that he continues to do the same things wrong and a lot of these things are really unacceptable behaviours. He's going to keep doing them but I'm just now not allowed to mention it. He's going to continue to critisise all of us but I am going to pretend he's perfect. "get out of jail free card" or what?! He gets to behave as bad as he likes, I'm not allowed to speak and apparently I brought it on myself for doing crazy stuff like HAVING EMOTIONS that didn't suit him. He can't see that the reason our disputes go on is because he keeps the conversation going around in a loop.
I despair for the kids because he says he is trying so hard but I see no sign of that. Is this what they are going to say to their loved ones? He yells, he swears, he's rude and he's extremely critical and he dictates but can only say "I have no control" and then continue telling me what I do wrong. He seems to like to give off the impression on Facebook that he really tries hard and wants to be supportive but shutting down communication so you don't have to take responsibility for your actions isn't supportive. It makes me feel frustrated, angry, desperate and miserable. It's just me copping all of the crap but having no ability to vent.. Hence the angry post. The rage has to go somewhere. Grr