Well what a day.. First I got an almost $1000 quote to have veterinary work done for our dog and it's not optional as he is pretty uncomfortable with an injury. Next I finally went to the GP about my obvious decline in mental health over the last few months. He suggested I start taking prozac and has referred me to a psychologist who specialises in Aspergers (which i don't have). The psych is actually the woman that my husband and children see and therefore she knows my situation. I'm not sure how to feel about this. It was suggested that I think of it as something I am doing for me (for a change) but I'm finding it hard not to feel resentful because it's my situation that has brought me here. I feel driven to it by those who are supposed to care about me. I haven't made a firm decision about what I will do yet but I guess I have to help myself in order to be the best parent I can be.
Taylen (6 with Aspergers and ADHD) had an assessment this afternoon with the OT. It was so hard to watch. He is an incredibly intelligent child and yet getting him to do even the smallest amount of tabletop work is like pulling teeth. It took us 10 minutes to get him to write the alphabet. He fidgeted, he made noises, he asked irrelevant questions but he didn't seem to be able to put pen to paper. I came away feeling completely drained and I think the appointment had the same effect on his teacher's aide. We just kind of stood there trying to console each other. The whole thing made me feel even more forced into trialling Ritalin as the Paed suggested. I feel like my aversion to medication is denying him an education. I feel guilty for considering it but even more guilty for rejecting it.
I also had an appointment with Autism SA to organise Noah's funding for his PDD-NOS diagnosis. While he is eligible for the money, he is not able to be registered for any services and will not be given help at school when he is older unless I can get his diagnosis "upgraded" to Aspergers when he gets a little older (he's 19 months now). It just doesn't seem right.
When I took Taylen to Joeys (scouts) tonight, I just found myself sitting on the sidelines staring at the floor. Usually I get involved as a parent helper. Tonight every parent in the room was standing with their child...except me. I just wanted to curl up in the corner and have a meltdown. I'm sure it was noticed but I just felt like I had nothing left to give to him or anyone else for today.
This special needs thing is a tough gig. Surely it's going to get easier as they get bigger. Here's hoping :)
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